Introducing Your Next Rabbi

As I prepare this newsletter, I am in regular contact with a contemporary of mine who lost the love of his life after a tough illness. He had to attend to her burial some weeks back. He is absolutely forlorn and expresses his grief with raw and profound eloquence.

I am smart enough to know that I cannot carry the weight of his sadness. None of us can carry another person’s sorrow. The best that we can do is visit them on their journey through grief with the hope that eventually the clouds lift and life returns. Normal is forever gone. But joy remains a distant possibility.

I have been thinking a lot about my friend. I suppose I am getting close to the age where it is not extraordinary for people of my vintage to bury their loved ones. Some of us baby boomers will live to be a hundred and change. That is a burden in itself. And some of us will walk through the valley of the shadow of death earlier in life or dwell in the shadow sooner and longer than we would like. Who knows?

I decided to do an experiment. I wanted to see what the common wisdom would say to loss and mourning. So this morning, I asked the artificial intelligence ChatGPT to write a generic eulogy to offer at a funeral for “loss of a loving wife.” Here is the latest that artificial intelligence has to offer. Of course it is non-descript. I did not give the bot a name, age, or any details about the person’s life. I was simply curious to see how the algorithm provides comfort.

Here it is. Introducing Rabbi ChatGPT. I will reflect on its remarks below:

Ladies and gentlemen, friends and family, we gather here today to celebrate the life of a remarkable individual and bid farewell to a loving wife. While our hearts ache with the weight of grief, we are here to honor her memory and cherish the legacy she leaves behind.

As we reflect upon the life of this extraordinary woman, let us remember her not for the sorrow we feel, but for the joy she brought into our lives. She was a beacon of light, a source of strength, and a pillar of unwavering support to her husband throughout their journey together.

In the tapestry of their lives, their love was the vibrant thread that wove their story. Their bond was one that transcended the bounds of this earthly existence. It was a love that stood firm in the face of adversity and flourished amidst the trials and tribulations of life. Theirs was a union built on trust, respect, and unwavering commitment.

She possessed a rare warmth and kindness that touched the lives of everyone fortunate enough to know her. Her smile could brighten the darkest of days, and her laughter was infectious, filling the room with joy and merriment. Her presence was a soothing balm, offering solace to those in need, and her words of wisdom served as a guiding light to those seeking direction.

As a wife, she was an embodiment of love and devotion. She nurtured their home with tender care, creating a sanctuary of love, comfort, and laughter. She stood by her husband's side, providing unwavering support, and sharing in both the triumphs and challenges that life presented them. Her love was a shelter in times of storm, a refuge in moments of doubt, and an anchor that grounded their spirits.

In her absence, there will be an emptiness that cannot be filled, a void that echoes the depth of our loss. But let us find solace in the memories we hold dear. Let us remember the laughter shared, the dreams pursued, and the countless moments of happiness that they experienced together.

Though she may no longer walk by her husband's side, her spirit will forever remain etched in his heart. Her love will continue to guide him, to inspire him, and to remind him of the incredible woman who graced his life.

To her family, may you find comfort in the embrace of one another and draw strength from the beautiful memories you shared. Though her physical presence may be absent, her spirit lives on in each and every one of you.

As we say our final goodbyes, let us honor her legacy by embracing the love she so effortlessly bestowed upon us. Let us carry her kindness forward and live our lives with the same grace and compassion that she exemplified.

To our beloved wife, you have left an indelible mark on our lives. Your love, your kindness, and your spirit will forever be cherished. May your soul find eternal peace, and may we always remember the profound impact you had on our lives. Rest well, dear friend, until we meet again.

My reflections:

If I were a mourner, I would be angry if Rabbi ChatGPT were to show up to officiate at my partner’s funeral. Without any details, I suppose that all I could expect were the bromides and pablum and well-worn cliches that appear above.

I gave it no details about the life lived. Our specific joys and challenges and disappointments and quirks distinguish us from each other. Rabbi ChatGPT doesn’t know about these and doesn’t care either. As the years and decades unfold, we become distinctive in our humanity, a unique stitch in the vast tapestry of life.

Rabbi ChatGPT is methodical and mechanical. But it is not curious about what makes us tick and what the mourners will miss. To provide comfort to the grieving, it tells us what it thinks we want to hear. Many of us act similarly when we attempt to respond to the profound and irrevocable sadness that death brings to the mourners. And that is what leaves me cold.

Rabbi ChatGPT may provide standard words of comfort and “buck up, it’s going to be ok, always look at the bright side of life” sentiments. But it sorely lacks what people actually need when death snatches away the people we love.

Rabbi ChatGPT makes no mention of sadness. It is devoid of empathy. The algorithm cannot cry or hug or pause to acknowledge grief or despair. It cannot cut the black ribbon and say, “I am so sorry for your loss and what you are enduring now and in the future.” It cannot say, “I will stay in touch with you and pray for you and walk by your side on this terrible journey.”

It does its job. It does its job adequately enough. But it cannot share or feel or cry. It has no heart. Sadness is simply a concept described by zeroes and ones that it cannot experience.

Poor machine. I prefer a heart that can break. Even in my darkest days when I wish I could wave my sadness away, I do not want to avoid being human. Our humanity comes with a profound and heavy cost. As difficult as life can be, I would rather feel and be human than live the eternal life of a machine. I would rather have the broken heart of a human being than the platitudes of an uncaring machine.